I went a whole week without updating. How strange. Mmmmyep.

I definitely felt like a boy today.

Things have been better with me and Fledermaus, and that's helped my depression some. Mostly it was the talk with Doc about communicating and feeling comfortable and the realization that Fledermaus being straight does not necessarily mean I can't be myself. Which is something he'd been trying to tell me for awhile already.

Erin's visit was great. She reminded me what I already knew, but hadn't been paying any attention to, which is that this sort of process (i.e. breaking down my gender identity to see what it's made of) greatly facilitates, indeed almost necessitates, spiritual exploration, which I haven't been doing a hell of a lot of in the past few years. She reminds me that if I don't take this opportunity I will indeed regret it. So I am going to.

Which brings me to another point-- I seem to have forgotten how.

Riiight. It's not the sort of thing you forget, right? I mean, you just sit around and think about who you are and how you got that way, yeah? Except I think I've gone as far as I can with that. The rest of it's between me and Doc. But I know there are other ways to exercise my psyche (note: not exorcise). I should put together a plan. Write up a curriculum. Have a ball. And it should all go on here.

Exercise for the next seven days: Be honest with everyone about everything which comes up. Be scrupulously honest with myself.